NO GOODBYES (CHAPTER 1)

[WARNING]

Romance 

Suspense 

Addiction 

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                                  THE MEETING 

Ariana climbed onto the stage with a microphone to sing that Sunday morning; it was her turn to lead, and she was fully prepared to take on the stage. Poised and elegant, she stood with both hands thrown up in the air, muttering words that no one could hear, to God, as she listened to the piano playing softly in the background for seconds. Her eyes were closed, and she was holding the microphone with her right hand, while her other hand was lifted up to God in worship. She raised a familiar song, and everyone joined in, starting to sing: 'Oh Lord my God, how excellent is your name; in all the earth, how excellent is your name.'

This they sang as she seemed lost in God's presence, passionately worshipping her Creator. Then, she opened her eyes slightly to see the assemblage lost in worship likewise, and then... she saw him. He was standing in the middle of the congregation, on the second row, fifth seat, very close to the front. With both hands up in the sky and his face uplifted, his eyes closed. He was lost in koinonia (fellowship) with God. I could tell from where I stood that this man was intent on God, while I, on the other hand, was caught up in my own world, no longer concentrating on the spiritual. I was torn between a man and God. What a physical moment that was, when a man stood in front of me and I lost sight of God. Terrible, yeah? I know, but it did happen and still happens.

I became distracted, although no one noticed, as the atmosphere remained lively and the congregants were lavishing praise on God. I'm sure they thought I was also caught up in worship, given the way the service was going. I got lost, completely lost in deep thought, staring uncontrollably at the man in front of me, who was standing before God without even paying attention to me. He was fine and tall, with light skin, almost white. His hands were the most beautiful hands I'd ever seen; his face was adoring, and his nose was pinched and pointy. He was outstanding and noticeable; his charming looks would always give him away, no matter how large the gatherings were.

For a moment, I was thrown off balance - a rather long moment, if I'm being honest. Okay, I know what you're thinking: how did I get charmed when I was supposed to be the one doing the charming? And why did I get carried away so easily when I was supposed to be focused on God? Well, these things happen, and when they do, you might not know how or when it will happen, and you may not have control over it. I'm not making excuses, but I've been guilty as charged. It might have happened to you too, who knows? Luckily, his eyes were closed, so I managed to regain control and tried to stay calm, though I was already trembling with the mic shaking in my hands in a way I never experienced before. I tried closing my eyes, hoping it would help, but each time I did, it felt like he was even closer to me.

Hold on everybody, hold on - who can relate to this? You know that moment when you're hiding from someone and you duck into a dark room just so the person won't see you, only to have someone switch on the light and it's the person you're hiding from. In my case, the person is standing right in front of me, a bit distant from the stage. But each time I close my eyes, I see him standing in front of me on the stage more vividly than when my eyes were open. Every time I open my eyes and then close them, it feels like he's still standing right in front of me, like I can literally feel his breath on my face, which seems almost impossible without him coming up close to me. What is this? What's going on? What is happening to me? I'm losing it. I opened my eyes and saw he was still standing where he was. Then I said to myself, 'Girl, you're crazy, you know that, right?'

As I began to think, how could someone so distant from me be so close that I could feel his breath next to mine if I wasn't crazy? It was getting intense, as I managed to sing with my eyes closing and opening to reality, and my mind drifting into an oblivion and back. This continued until one time I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me - I froze! Like I was agape, my mouth wide open with no words. I was supposed to sing the next song, but I couldn't, caught off guard by his open eyes staring back at me, interestingly. It was quite an experience, a moment for me. As much as I wanted to dwell on those thoughts and explore the moment, because it felt like everything good and sweet you can imagine, I quickly remembered I was still on stage. So, I managed to look away until I exhausted my time up there and walked down to my seat. I almost stumbled, though.

When I reached my seat, I couldn't raise my head because I was too ashamed, feeling like everyone had noticed what had happened. I kept my head down for a while, and when I was ready to look up, I saw this guy still looking at me. It felt warm, too warm. A sweet sensation ran through my entire body, a type I loved to experience. I was in a state of excited feeling, but I couldn't explain why I began feeling uneasy again - it was even worse than when I was up there. I started sweating profusely and didn't know what was happening to me. I prayed for the service to be over soon so I could run away; I wanted to escape so badly. It was as if I would explode. The experience was stuck in my head, and I couldn't erase it; no amount of events could cloud it. I couldn't explain it away, no matter how hard I tried.